shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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