Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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