he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
