babies were throwing up all over the place
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
