how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
