I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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