Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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