This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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