thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
