3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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