Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I love you. Go after that dick
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Randomize
