I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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