That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
