I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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