Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
