good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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