whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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