i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
My hand turned me down
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
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