You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
