So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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