By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
