I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
