Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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