I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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