so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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