She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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