You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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