Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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