Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
