The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
