My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
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