A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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