I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize