Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
