I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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