I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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