I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
