My girlfriend figured out who you are.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
