i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
The uberlube is also flammable
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
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