just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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