she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm getting married
To pizza
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
