dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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