haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
