Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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