So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
