Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
