If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Randomize
