Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Randomize
