Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Randomize
