Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We left the knife in your bed.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
