they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
