the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
Randomize
