just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I wish you could order shots online.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
My vagina just clenched in fear
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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