You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
