you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
