he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
