dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
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