Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
