ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
