I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Everclear isn't food dammit
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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