I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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