i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
