if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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