Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
