You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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