Im at strip club and am horny
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
